I joined an online dating site.
It’s not going well.
Right in line with the offline men I seem to attract, the only guys who have shown any sort of interest are creepers, men who are as old as my father and those who show signs of being mentally unstable.
I know they say don’t judge a book by its cover but when homie has serial killer eyes, I judge.
1 Move to Kansas City
3.1 Miles in First 5K
3 TV Appearances
1 Backyard BBQ
2 Trips to Chicago
1 Trip to New Orleans
277 Instagram Photos
1 Blind Date
4 Trips to the Little Apple
1 Giant Pink Elephant
26 Birthday Candles
Basically beignets are like funnel cake donuts.
And I want to eat them everyday.
Related side note: New Orleans is awesome.
Poppy is my miniature dachshund. She is afraid of everything.
Mal is my roommate’s Chihuahua mix. He is afraid of nothing.
They are best friends.
Yesterday, the Dynamic Duo decided to reenact Homeward Bound by escaping out an (accidentally) ajar door, prancing down our street, taking a left, trotting one block south, crossing a busy street and continuing down the sidewalk to the neighborhood park to frolic in the grassy field… half a mile away.
I choose to believe that they insisted on the Buddy System and looked both ways before they crossed the street.
This whole ten minute ordeal shaved a good seven years off my life.
Dear Adorable New Coworker,
I want to apologize for my inadvertent flashing this afternoon. You see, wrap dresses and wind are mortal enemies, fighting each other to the bitter end. While they tell me you are in fact 20 years old, you look, maximum, 12 thus making me feel a little dirty.
Didn’t mean to scar you for life,
Faryle
Add going to the Nelson Atkins Museum on a Saturday afternoon to the ever growing list of “Reasons I Love Living in Kansas City.”
The list also includes eating snowcones at the aptly named Miami Ice, going to the neighborhood drive-in for a midnight movie and backyard BBQs.
It’s been discussed before. I am not a runner and yet I somehow decided that signing up for a 5K was a good idea.
Turns out, it wasn’t so bad.
Dear Shady Econovan Driver,
I had this crazy idea to sign up for a 5K this summer which would be fine and dandy if I hadn’t signed up with a team of actual runners. So here I am, six weeks out, getting up at 5 a.m., struggling to make it through Week 1 of my 5K training program.
Related side note: I’ve been struggling through Week 1 for two and a half weeks now. Embarrassing, I know.
So this morning, when you passed me on the road in your giant, white, no back window Econovan not once, but twice, at snail’s pace, I was about 97% sure you had plans to kidnap me. And to be honest, I do look like a wounded gazelle when I run. Read: easy target.
But then again, it was 5:30 in the morning and I was rocking the bed head and no make-up look hard.
I understand why you decided against it,
Faryle
If I didn’t like KC and my job so much, there’s a good chance I would have just stayed in Chicago, taken up residence in the Harry Potter closet at my friends’ apartment and survived on a diet of Chicago-style stuffed pizza and wine.
To be honest, I knew two songs of The Lumineers prior to going to this show.
I’m in love now. So incredibly good.
remnants of nonsense 